Negative Emotions Like Anger, Resentment And Victimhood Cause You To Lose Out On Life!
So many financial services people are full of negative energy and negative emotions.
Why is this the case? I’m not sure, but I’ll bet it has to do with the fact that the entire industry puts so much pressure on you, and treats you poorly. They bully you, lie to you, ask you to lie, pressure you to sell, sell, sell under any circumstances, whether the sale is right for the client or not.
I guess all that crap would lead people in the business to have negative energy and emotions I guess.
Anyway, I think that the bottom line of all of this is that you need to consider what good do negative emotions do? What good do they serve? What purpose do they serve?
None, if you want my opinion!
Have you ever been jealous of somebody, for example, or ever felt like a victim, or thought about “poor me”? If you have, let’s figure out how to stop feeling like you’re being short changed or a victim.
There's a woman I know who's a very, very intelligent woman. She says there are no victims, only volunteers!
See, you can't be a victim unless you volunteer to be a victim. Right? Because when something happens that's bad, and you get negative energy and emotions, what choices do you have in that circumstance? How do you react to it?
You can't change the circumstance, right?
What can you change?
How you deal with it and how you react to it!
I think that a lot of people don't get the fact that these negative emotions that you have are all horrible! They suck all the energy out of you, and they suck the energy out of people around you. (Have you ever noticed, if you're having a really bad day, maybe at the office, that the whole office seems to be in a real bad mood, too, and that things are just really lousy around the office for that day or week or month...or year?)
So, when crappy things happen to you…you have to make a decision whether you’re going to let it get to you, whether or not you’re going to be a victim…or if you’re going to adopt an attitude of mature control!
If you deal with the problem as a victim, and say “poor me”…you’re finished. If you deal with the problem from a solution only point of view…you’re on the way to overcoming the problem and rising above it!
Focusing On Problems Is Not A Way To Live. Focus On Solutions Instead!
Focusing on the problem instead of on potential solutions leads you down a path that goes nowhere.
When things go wrong, do you dwell on the problem…or on solutions?
My experience tells me that most people dwell on the negative, dwell on the problem…thus assuring that the problem will likely get worse instead of better!
Why do so many of us focus on the problem? Why do so many of us think things like:
- Why did this happen to me?
- This isn’t fair.
- I knew this crap was going to happen.
- What am I supposed to do now?
- I’m screwed.
- Why does this kind of stuff always happen to me? What do I do to deserve this stuff?
- Why did this happen to me and not her? Stuff like this never happens to her.
- It’s not my fault, yet I’m in this mess I can’t get out of.
- I’m the only one who had this happen.
- This sucks so bad.
- If only woulda, shoulda, coulda…
- I’m never going to get out of this.
- There’s no hope. I am going to have to eat my lunch and take what they dish out.
- I have no chance to beat this thing. I’m just a nobody. A big shot could get out of this, but not me.
- Everything bad happens to me all the time. That’s just who I am.
- Man, now this or that is going to happen, and then if that happens, then this is going to happen, which means that I’m going to lose this or that, and then they’ll take my license, and then I’ll be broke and then my wife is going to leave me for the rich divorced guy in church, and then I’ll be forced to live over the deli in that one room apartment, and then….(or whatever other bullshit your mind can think up!)
You get the idea.
All this crap is what most people think about when faced with a problem or dilemma. They think about all the things that revolve around the problem…instead of focusing on the SOLUTIONS!
For example, instead of thinking all that whiny, petty, immature stuff…when faced with a problem, why not think things like:
- OK. How do I fix this fast?
- What options do I have to take care of this?
- What would Donald Trump do if he was in this mess?
- Who do I know that I can talk to who can give me suggestions on how to handle this problem?
- How have other people dealt with this situation?
- How did I handle this a couple years ago when a similar thing happened?
- I need to analyze my options I have available to me so I can make a sound educated decision.
- Even though there aren’t any really good outcomes that can come out of this pile of crap, I’m going to have to find the best, least damaging solution...like yesterday.
- Man, I wish this hadn’t happened, but there ain’t a damn thing I can do to change the fact that it did happen. Time to focus on how to take care of it, and move on.
You get the idea.
Now, be honest. Which of these two ways of thinking do you find yourself in when confronted with unexpected or even expected problems?
The second way is the way I have thought about problems for a very long time.
I deal with the problem emotionally by accepting the fact that new cards have been dealt to me, and now I have to play the hand I’m dealt.
In my younger, more immature, less sophisticated, less successful, more stressful days…I was guilty of thinking all those lame thoughts on the previous page.
I dwelled on the problems, and lingered in my victimhood mentality.
In fact, one problem I had a long, long time ago was pretty bad. I got screwed, blued and tattooed by this jackass, big time. He took all our money, spent it on prostitutes, drugs, etc. Never worked. Etc. A long story I won’t bore you with.
But, after a few months of being miserable, negative and real pain in the ass to be around, (Peggy, my wife, told me I was impossible to be around, dwelling on all the problems I caused myself.) She likes to share.
One day at the insurance agency I was working out of, I was, as usual, complaining to a couple of my buddies about the latest round of problems I was facing because of this jerk I got involved with.
One of my best friends, Mark, said,
“Hey bonehead. No offense, but I’m sick of hearing about how you got screwed by this jackass.
I know he screwed you up the royal you know what. But you know what else? I’m tired of hearing about it, and I’m sure Peggy can’t stand to be around you, because we can’t stand having you around here, so poor her.
Why don’t you STOP whining about your mess, which I understand, and agree is a real frickin’ mess…and start moving on, and figure out what you’re going to do to get out of this crap? If all you think about is how badly you you’ve got it, you’re never going to get past it. Jeff, as your friend, I can tell you that you need to get past it, and fix it the best you can, and whatever happens, happens. Just deal with it.
But you gotta’ stop walking around with that sourpuss face, and that loser demeanor you’re carrying around. You’re a drag to be with, as Bob Dylan said. So how about it, and no more of this pissing and moaning? OK?”
Man, that was hard to take. But you know what? I was acting like and idiot.
I was a drag to be around.
I was a loser.
All because I focused on the problem for months, and never focused on the solutions I could avail myself of.
I went home and told Peggy what Mark said to me, and how I realized he was dead on correct, and that I finally saw what a piece of crap loser I had been acting like.
She said she was happy I listened to Mark, finally…but wanted to know why it took Mark to wake me up when she’d been saying the same stuff to me for months???
Uh oh. I knew I was in more trouble for it taking Mark to wake me up. She was right. Peggy had been telling me the same stuff, but for whatever reason, coming from her, I didn’t listen. Coming from my buddy, somehow, broke through my “poor me” syndrome.
After taking even more lumps from Peg, I at that moment became a new person.
I told the world…Forget You! I am not going to let you get to me ever again! I am going to fix this God-awful mess the best way I can, and then whatever happens, happens.
I am going to control my attitude, because that’s about all I can control in this situation. I am going to make a mental list of solutions, but think about them from a positive, happy perspective instead of thinking about them under the veil and fog of unclear thinking caused by focusing on the problem!
From that day on, I NEVER dwell on problems, and always focus on solutions. And, I keep an even keel when stuff goes bad, so others around me aren’t sucked down by my negative energy.
I still think of what a little, whining, complaining, disgusting person I was to be around when I went into a problem focused funk. How liberating and more fun life is now that I have mastered the skill of having my attitude be right when things are going wrong! What about you? Does any of this resonate with you? How do you handle things when you’re up to your butt in alligators? Think about it, but please be honest!
Next month, we’ll keep talking about this idea of negative energy, and how it makes everything around you suck. Especially your business and relationships with your family!
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